Day twenty-five - for others

One of my all time favorite things; gift giving! I am not a huge fan of getting gifts; I never know what to ask for, which means I get asked about 100 what I want, and then everyone is irritated because I usually go buy what I want the week before Christmas, birthday, or etc.
I LOVE giving gifts! Over lunch today I went to the store to kill time. I had to get new work cloths when I started my new job and I had store cash that I needed to spend. So I went and bought cloths for Kenzie, Ali, and Tiff. Now, when I had to go buy work cloths I hated it!! But today I got to go shopping for my family, and I loved every minute of it! It makes me so happy to come home and have the girls get so excited (yes I am that dad)!!!!
I do love days like this!

Day Twenty-four - sometimes just an ear to bend

Sometimes things are just crap......... Not a lot can be changed, some things are just out of your control, and you really wish the day would end at about 9:00 am. Today was one of those days. Some days it just seems that nothing can go right, but sometimes the only good thing is that someone is there to hear about it.
Crap happens...... But that is why we have moms!
Sometimes things can not be fixed and sometimes you try your best to roll with the punches but that logic sometimes begins to fades. Don't get me wrong, my wife is there for me through everything but sometimes that 3 year old in you just wants to call out for you Mommy :)
The great part about this logic when you get older though is, you get the chance to be there for your parents too! But in this situation I have to say, today was a strictly silver lining day; the day sucked, but at least my mom was there to just listen and help realize the bigger picture!
Thanks Mom!!!

Day twenty-three - so here it is

Another sick day, on a Monday......... Not a good start to the week. I do not have  a lot that is great on a day like today, but through all the crap there is still my wife. She is there for me and has been for a very long time. There is a THOUSAND things I could say but I can sum it up within one poem (thank you E.E. Cummings)

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

I love you!

Day twenty-two - my baby girls 4th birthday party

So today was crazy but a good day overall! Four year old birthday parties are NUTS but behind all the crazy is the act that my daughter has gotten old enough to have a "big girl"  birthday party.
This was not a party for the family and the adults this time. She had 10 little friends over and they played like crazy people for over 2 hours. It looked like something exploded in our house, something filled with everything pink exploded!
Now that is not the good, the good is that my daughter is four and having her first big girl birthday party. In a world where there is so much bad in the world, every year is a blessing. That is true for little girls as well as for us adults. Each year, or month, or day that goes by that we are all still together is a blessing. So to share a day like this is just a better day than usual, but every day should be seen in the same light, blissful!

Day twenty-one - A dad and his babies

So the downside for the day - my wife had to spend the entire day at a conference.
The upside of the day - me and my girls got to spend the entire day together, just us!
Me and do not ge many days to spend as just the three of us. Now do not get me wrong, I love the weekends that we all spend together, but it is nice to spend some time as just the three of us. The dynamic changes when it is just us. They spend all day, every day with her so they have a tendency to see her more as a "get me this", "I want this", "I need this"! Not to say they do not do that to me too but it is just a little different when it is just us.
We started the day off with toast and 3 hours of top twenty on CMT. We played it loud, we sang, and we danced (really bad I might add) through the whole thing. While Ali took her nap Kenzie and I played memory ........ F-o-r-e-v-e-r! We also watch a movie. Kenzie was surprised that I found a movie for the both of us, a non-dead movie ( her words)   :) when Ali got up we dinked around a little more.
I love my time with my little girls, it reminds me of how much I LOVE being a dad!

Day twenty - Friday!!!!

Easy one today. FRIDAY!!!!!!
It is one of those things, that no matter how crappy a day is, the fact that it is Friday makes all the problems seem so small! So here is how it went:
I went back to work after 2 days of being sick so getting back in the grove makes the morning tough
I did not really get anywhere throughout the day with any of my clients
They wanted me to make up all the work that I missed (aka 3 new clients in one day)
Money problems, money problems, money problems, and on, and on.........
The girls were both in crappy moods
And these are the highlights

Now I know this is not sounding like I am looking for the good in the day, but no matter if I added 30 more things to this list they all just fade away. It was Friday, one of the best days of the week! The weekend is great but Friday, Friday is the best. You had to work but when 5:00 rolls around that means we are just a the VERY start of the weekend, we have the whole night to look forward to our 2 days off!!! Saturday is full of task that have been put off for the week, and Sunday you spend have the day just thinking that Monday is coming ( but way excited that The Walking Dead is on at night ).   But Friday, Friday is to adults as Christmas morning is to kids. We are excited to see what is in store for us, we can not wait too do all the things that we knew were coming, and we love the fact that, even if it was not expected, it is usually a good!
Ya for the day of Friday!!!

Day nineteen - family

So not as late as the last but still late. This one is going to be another important one but short too, it is pretty self explanatory. My family is awesome! :)
So here is the run down:
My baby sister, Kaity - My sister is one of the craziest little person I know! She likes to listen to classical music as well as CD's all about moose! My baby sister I is now nine, so not much of baby anymore, but she will be the baby for ever.
My older baby sister, Annagrace - I have never known an older child in my life. My sisters were born when I was 16 and 18 years old, respectfully. So really both of my sisters are my baby sisters, but they are really two different people. Anna has seemed like she was a wise woman behind those big blue eyes since about two- years-old. Sometimes, when she talks, she seems like she is the oldest! She is now 12 years old, and LIKE REALLY becoming a teenager, but she is still one of the most amazing people I know!
My baby brother, Mitch - so DEFINITELY not a baby! 19, and his first year in college, not a baby. But he is the youngest of us 4 boys so he fits the bill of the baby brother. I have a problem with babying my younger siblings and that does not help when I am the oldest! He is the coolest little brother I have known.
One of the middle guys, Seth - Seth, Anna, and I all have the same problem, we are too much alike! Anna and I are far enough apart that it seems cute, Seth and I are just enough apart but close enough together that he seemed to always coming into a certain phase as i was coming out of it. Growing up it always seemed to be difficult. Now I do have to commend him, he is one of the bravest person I know. I believe he has lived in about roughly 13 states in 4 - 5 years now, Hawaii being the most difficult to get too. He did door to door sales for a lot of that time as well. He has done some of the bravest things I have seen, things I would never dream of doing.
Before there was three there was two, me and Zach - so Zach does not come without his bravery as well. Zach has been married, bought a house, adopted his wife's daughter, and now they are pregnant with their second. Like I said, bravery! Zach is the next one down after me and we were  very much partners in crime. I take that back, a little, when Zach and I were not partners in crime then Seth and Zach were. But when it comes to Zach, I can not but feeling like a proud big brother every time he does something. I hope he never looks at it like I am patronizing him, but I can't help but feel like a proud person with every new step he takes. I can not help it, he is my baby brother ;)
And my only oldest sibling, my sister- in-law V (she also goes by Veronica) - so I have the best sister-in-law ever! When I met her I knew we were going to be be friends, but more importantly I knew she was going to be the one for my brother! She is amazing and one of the strongest people I have ever known. I am so happy that my brother found someone so amazing and I am glad that I can call her part of the family!
My mom, Kandes - this is the strongest woman I have ever met! My mom raised four boys by herself for years then married the best man I can now call Dad. My mom is one of those people that you don't know how people get through the hard things in life and yet you see her hold her head up high and knock down one thing that comes her way after another. The thing that is great about growing up is that, if you have the most awesome parents like I do, your parents go from being just your parents to being some of the best friends you can have.
M dad, Dean - so, yes he is my step-father, but he is the greatest Dad around. Don't get me wrong we started off a little rocky. I was a 14 year old boy and my mom was getting remarried. Needless to say I was a little on the attitude side. We did start off on a rocky point but I can gladly say that Dad is one of my best friends! H is the most up front and caring people I have ever met. When my parents divorced at 10, I thought everything was over. When I look back it was one of the best thing that ever happened, without it I would have never been able to have a dad that cares about me, my mom, and my siblings the way that Dean does.
So not so short but very important! I love them and I love how they care about me and my family.

Day eighteen - hard to find but it is there

Now I am way late, I need to make sure this does not become a habit! I have a good reason; a) I was sick all day and b) it is hard to find any good in a day when you feel that crappy! Regardless of that, there is good in every day, I need to be looking at that. The good of the day: it was extremely considerate of my boss to care about how I felt and to not make it into a big thing that I had to be gone for the day.
I know, it is a little crazy that I see that as such a positive, but it something I have not seen for a long time. To be treated with respect and dignity goes a long way. I have been pretty sick for awhile now and stress is a large problem that causes it to be worse. It was very hard to deal with before since when I had to be gone due to my symptoms then, it just caused my stress to be worse, which then caused my symptoms to be worse. This was a vicious cycle for a long time. The stress came from the fact that when I returned to work, even though I was covered for the time gone, we had to have "a talk" about my absentness (made up word but I like it). I knew these conversations would happen and it would just make the issue worse.
To be somewhere that was concerned, wanted me to go home to get better, and then wanted to see if there is anything they could do when I returned was something I have not seen. This sickness has been a huge issue this year, it has not been an easy thing to deal with. Between the sickness itself on me, but the toll it has taken on my family, and on top of that the medical bills that it has racked up has caused it to seem a little overwhelming. To be sick again now, when I just started a new job, I was terrified! To be treated with this much respect was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders! I felt, for the past year with this problem, I thought I was going to be dealing with what I had been dealing with for the rest of my life. I am so happy that I was able to find out that not everyone treats people the way that I had been treated, people out there can and will be respectful and caring about what you are having to go through. That is my silver lining on a really crappy day (it is a pretty amazing silver lining though)!

Day seventeen - it was not all bad

I have said in the past that I started a new job a few weeks ago. There were some really crappy things that happened over this year. I know I focused a lot on those really crappy things that have happened this year too. With my medical condition my negative thinking made just made it worse. Accusations and betrayals made it seem like it was all for not. I had worked hard, put in a lot of hours, and sacrificed a lot of time with my family and it all fell apart in 6 months, it was really hard not to look at it like my sacrifices we for nothing.
A really good friend made me think of what that seven years really meant. That seven years first meant met my best friend. Without that job I would have never met her and in turn never met the whole group we hang out with. The years we worked together, the Saturdays that were MISERABLE due to a GREAT Friday night, the fun I had since I was a morning person and she was not, and etc., and etc.. It was great that I found someone that I can get along with so well, even more so sine we were starting over in new town.
I learned a lot over those seven years. I was 20 when I started and was just a kid, I was taught well by some of the greatest co workers that I had. Not only did I learn a lot from those that I worked along side with but also those that I worked with that reported to me. The biggest thing of all is teamwork. Some of those people I worked with have really made me see how much I enjoy the work with others, they have my back and I had theirs. I loved it.
I also loved that some of those that I worked with went from being co workers, to strong people that I respected, to amazing friends. Some did not end so great but some did not end, because these types of friendships don't ever end. I love that I found so many great people at one job. People that I could relate with, people I could get along with so well, people that I could call great friends, people I could SWOT with :) .
Though something ended bad it is not the exclamation point on the entire experience, it is just the end, that is all. There is a lot of great things that happened in seven years, and I thank all of those that helped make those seven years great!

Day sixteen - those that help others

So I do not have a long one for today, but it is short yet important.
I have started a new job just a few weeks ago. After working at the same place for seven years it is a little unnerving to start again.
It has been a huge help that, even in a commission based world, there is co-worker that is coming in early to have a class for those of us that have just recently started. It is amazing that someone is willing to take time out of his day to teach those of us that are not as fluent in this new position.
Thank you to those that look out for others. You can never overlook someone like that!
Like I said, short but important!

Day fifteen - Something most people won't say

Sorry about the lateness, but I have a really good reason. It is also my positive point that is why I am a day late on my Sunday post.
It was not really a overly important day, it was a typical lazy Sunday. We did not have anything to do so I pretty much lounged around. So all of this and I did not post, so what is my reason? I am just going to say what most think but do not often say........ I love TV! :)
I know, I know, not the most amazing positive..... But I do.
So here is the thing, we have our shows that we watch, and I know it is sad, but we kinda get a little to excited for our shows to come on. Sunday night=The Walking Dead. My wife said it perfectly, "I get excited for this show to come on around Tuesday". We have our shows that we watch religiously, right now it really Supernatural, Chelsea Lately, and The Walking Dead. Now that is our shows that we make sure we catch when they are on. We have our other shows that we we buy the the seasons of, such as ER.
When it comes to seasons of shows, that is where Tiff and I differ. I can have a TV show that I don't really know or can even care for, but if it is on for the day as a marathon, I can not take myself away from it. Also, we could have seen the same season of something 12times, that does not mean that I won't sit and watch it, or that I won't buy the seasons when they come out as a box set. HA! I told you at the start of this that it was sad, but I can not lie, it makes me happy.
I think it is genetic too. I will call home at night and I have to call back in an hour because "I called in the middle of Dancing With The Stars!!" I can not judge though, at least my mom answers the phone.
Anyway, I have my Monday post to write. :)

Day fourteen - good friends

Today I was reminded of one of the greatest parts of  life, great friends.
In 2003 my wife and I move to Waterloo from our home town. We moved for school and it was just the two of us, we knew no one in the area. I started a new job the day after we moved here and I will tell you what, that "first day of school" feeling never seems to go away. I sat in a training class listening to the people talk about how they knew this person, or how they were referred by this friend.  It just made my anxiety worse thinking that this was not where I was going to find any new friends, it sounded like these people were already well imbedded into their social settings.
To back this up a little bit you need to know that, in terms of friends, Tiff and I were not fond of this "starting over" feeling. We had the same friends, best friends, for a very long time. Now don't get me wrong, they are still some of the best friends we have! They have been there for us when others had let us down, they were the ones who watched stupid movies with us while sitting around eating frozen pizzas and Popsicles with, and the ones that were there with us when we were just fiends, to dating, to engaged, and then to married. We had been very blessed for the friends that we had, and starting over did not sound like fun.
Now we were in a new town, not a friend in sight, and feeling a little "out in the cold" I guess you could say. We did not stay that way for long though, we found our "gang" (I know, using the word gang makes me lose points fast but I did not know what else to say). So here is to them;
For the nights that we laughed so hard (usually over something not really all that funny) I did not know if I was going to stop
For the days spent on the river
For the nights that most of us can not even remember
For A LOT of 1/2 off Thursday nights
For showing us the errors in our way by buying furniture already put together ;)
For being there when you just needed someone to complain too
For trying to teach us a game for the past 7 years (and we still do not know how to play)
For being there for our kids
For being there for us

You have made our lives a better every single day. Thank you........ Gang........... :)

Day Thirteen - Not a hard day to find the good

Not a hard day to find the good at all. My baby turned four today! I can not believe she is already so old. THIS IS ONE FOURTH OF THE WAY TO 16!!!!!! Granted she, on days, has the attitude of a 16 year old. I love her and my life changed so much since the day she was born. That weekend was a crazy weekend!
Like any crazy soon-to-be father I did not see what the big deal was to going out on Halloween when my wife is 9 months pregnant and due in five days, so like a crazy I dragged her out on Friday night.  We stayed out way too late with my pregnant wife too. That night, after we got home, Tiff moved to the other bed in the house. I figured she moved to the just to being uncomfortable. I had to work the next morning and I got a call while I was at work from tiff, she was having contractions. My thought "WE ARE CLOSE"........ Yea right..... All that rest of the day we walked, and walked, and walked, and on, and on, and on! Tiff was having contractions all day and then all into the night and that translated into no sleep for either of us! On Sunday morning, early, we finally decided to go to the hospital. When we got there we almost got sent home. I thought when the nurse said that we might have to go home I thought Tiffs head was going to spin around, but you know what we did, we walked........ The only difference this time was that it was around a OB ward, and not a big one either. After 2 hours of walking they did finally admit her. After awhile all of our family showed up, but not Mackenzie, yet.
 At about 2:00 pm they finally said that Tiff could start pushing. Now Kenzie was not the type of kid that comes out in three pushes. Tiff pushed for two hours and forty five minutes. I was trying to help and be supportive but I kept getting those "shut the heck up" looks (later realized that those were just "get this child out of me" looks). At 4:45 pm my baby girl was born.
She is my little bird, my second love of my life, my little Tiff, my little me, my little dance partner, my tv buddy, my other nurse, and my little everything. I am so happy she entered my life and could not imagine my life without her. I am thankful for that little girl every day of my life.

Day twelve - post bed time

DO NOT GET ME WRONG HERE!!! I love my kids, I miss them all of the day, and I love walking in the door and being rushed by small people every day. However, I love the time when it is just me and my wife for a few hours after the girls have gone to bed.
Tonight it just happens to be the CMA's that we are watching. I will tell you what, and I do not care, I know I have the musical likings of a 12 year old. I love sitting here watching everyone sing; Taylor, Carrie, Hunter, Kenny, the Band Perry, And little big town and if you are asking yourself, yes, we are on a first name basis! I love this time. A lot of the time this time is spent watching bad tv or ER or Friends ( I know, I already told you this part, I am getting to it!!!!!)
Regardless of what we are doing, I love this time with my wife. This time, like tonight, is my wife looking at me annoyed because I am finding myself HILARIOUS and talking about my secret marriage to Carrie Underwood! Other nights it is figuring out which ER episode s this and what happens during it ( we have seen them like 12 times). And some nights were like last night, where we just sat around and talked for a couple of hours.
Whatever the situation it may be, I love the time that I get tiff all to myself! For a couple years tiff and I seemed to never see each other, between our work schedules. Then it turned to us being together A LOT when Kenzie was a baby. But now with a toddler and an infant, we are in close proximity to each other, but our talk is mostly controlled by our 3 year old. So this time is very special to two tired parents.
So this one is to my wife, I love the time we spend as just us! 'Nuf said

Day eleven - gotta love a lived in house

So most people who want to be polite would say that our house looks "lived in".  That would be the polite way to say "have you not cleaned your house since you moved in?" This one is probably going to be short and sweet..... I love my house, regardless of how it looks, even more when it is like this!
On a day like today, where it was crazy from start to finish for Tiff, the house can get a little crazy looking. To top it off Tiff always feels the need to apologize for it, which is highly unnecessary. We both grew up in big family, so "lived in" houses kinda come with the territory. It kinda makes me laugh when she tries to apologize for it. Here are the two things that would cause me to have a problem with it; wet or sticky!!!!!!!!
Our house has a tendency to be a mess but that is all it is, a mess. To clean it does not take that long due to it being mostly just stuff. However wet and/or sticky, gross! I am happy to report that our house is never either. Our house may get messy so I have two options when I get home; pick it up or stepover the   toys, take the laundry off of the couch, put the pillows back on the couch, and let the kids continue to help make the house look more "lived in" and there is NOTHING wrong with that!
Thirsty Thursday tomorrow.......

Day ten - Late but for the great reason

I'm a day late on my day ten post but it was for a great reason! I usually post later in the day which usually good for me but not last night. Ali went down at seven, Kenzie went down at seven thirty, and I did not stay awake past eight thirty. I feel asleep on the couch so I got about ten hours of sleep, and I love sleep!
I do not know why but it seems to me, and most people that I talk too, that there is a very large problem with kids and grown up rules. Why does the child, who runs around like a madman from morning til night, gets to nap during the day when the adults, who can somehow wake up tired, do not get a nap?!?  Also there are times where you are putting your kids down for a nap and they fight it the whole way and all you want to say to them is "I want you to take a nap so I can!" :) . I feel there should be built in nap time for adult life too, not just kindergarten, but I do not think I am gonna find many employers to go with me on that one. Yesterday felt this, more so than usual. By five I was ready to go to bed!
The other problem we run into is that EVERY week my wife and I talk about how we need to start going to bed earlier. We talk about how we both feel tired often and that one thing to help would be going to bed earlier. However, when the week roles around, we are staying up until eleven or midnight. Are we doing anything important or necessary, NOPE! We are sitting around watching bad b list horror movies, bad tv, or DVD sets of ER or Friends. Not a horrible way to spend an evening but not a great on for staying up so late when Tiffs work starts around six and mine starts at eight! We could go to bed early every single night and every single night it is to bed at eleven or twelve......
So that is why last night was so great, sleep, Sleep, SLEEP!!! I felt great this morning and the day went by so much better than when I get my five and 1/2 hours worth of sleep. So I think Tiff and I should go to bed at that time every night............. Yea right :)

Day nine - Monday

So today was a Monday. Everything seems just a little off and a little wrong. Monday is just Monday.......... For some reason everything seems just a little more aggravating, upsetting, annoying, bothersome, etc. etc. etc.
I strongly dislike days like today because nothing is really wrong but everything just seems a little wrong. I hate the vagueness of it all. I dislike it because I know it is just a dwelling feeling, because nothing really upsetting or bad just happened, it is just "the Mondays". I hate that saying but it just seemed to fit today. I was busy today, which is good and makes the day USUALLY go by fast, it did not. I know this is sounding more depressing then usually but unfortunately it is harder to see the positive on days like today.
So here is the thing - it was harder to see the positive in the day but, like I said a couple post ago, this post makes it a lot easier to find the positive on a day like today.
Part one- Ali was a daddy's girl tonight. She kept wanting hugs and to top it off she wanted me to put her to bed tonight. Very rare but love it!
Part two- I did have a deal close today. I was one that another employee had to do some work for me on it. Now this might sound like a negative, but I was able to split the commission with her. I am one that feels what goes around comes around. To take 100% of the commission when I did not do all the work did not feel right ,so I was happy that I was able to split the pay with her. Being friends with karma is always good.
Part three- I wax able to change my schedule. I has been great to go in at 9 am every morning but Ali does not wake up until around 8/8:30 in the morning and goes to bed around 6 so I have not been able to see much of my baby. Changing my schedule will get me home an hour early. I will get to see my baby a little more every day. This is the best part of the day.
So to wrap it up, days can seem pretty crappy overall, but break it down, focus on the great parts of the day, and "the Mondays" will not seem all that bad.
Talk tomorrow.....

Day eight - Not having much to post is not always bad

So not mutch to say for today. Sunday's have a tendency to fall under the category of, not much going on, but still a little crazy. I think it comes from the four of us being couped in the house most of the day. Ali is in a " I need mom all the time" phase, which translates into a lot of tears and tantrums when Tiff does things such as taking a shower:) . When it gets cold out, and we wind up all staying in the house all day, I think our own little crazy comes out in each of us. Kenzie more than the rest of us. Nothing like keeping a feisty four year old inside all day. By days end all she is doing is running laps around the house.
I guess this is the joy of living in the Midwest. This is just preview of what is to come through the end of fall, all of winter, and the start of spring..... :(. Small children just do not transition into the fall lifestyle as quickly as adults. Before having kids, on a cold day like today, you snuggle in, find bad movies to watch, and eat soup. Things are a little different with kids though. I thin, that their anthem that runs through their heads throughout the day is " ENTERTAIN ME, ENTERTAIN ME, ENTERAIN ME....."!
On top of it our house is not exactly set up the best for kids playing and maintaing a clean and organized house. By the end of Sunday it kinda looks like a tornado went through the house or a large  toy bomb exploded. At the end of Sunday night the routine usually goes like this; find all the toys that are still talking and making noise and shut them off, hunt through the furniture to reclaim all of the remotes, get all the pillows back on the couches, and get any dishes back in the kitchen where they belong. Trying to reclaim the house from the kids before they start it all over tomorrow morning.
Here is the thing, a day like today can be one of the more perfect days in life. We have a tendency to try and fill our day to make it seem like an "accomplished" day. Today was a day where we really had nothing going on and it could not have been better. No running around trying to get ready for much, no scrambling to try and get the house together for guest, just nothing. Hanging out, messing around, and having some fun with the fam, just us. Relaxing days have changed since having kids but in a lot ways it has changed for the better. They are not just relaxing days, but fun/funny too. Ali unloading Tiff's purse, handing me each item, and saying "tank oooo", Kenzie changing her clothes into different costumes saying "no, this is what I am going to be for Halloween", Ali going missing only to find her hanging out in the dog kennel with Snoofy (I know, crazy dogs name, but we let Kenz name her without giving her options, BAD plan), and other random small things throughout the day. Sometimes when you think back on the day you can not help but feel that somehow you are a sitcom that someone is watching and you just have to laugh at how your day went.
I love days like this more than anything. Vacations are great, small getaways are fun, but nothing beats a day at home with your crazy little family. I thank them for that more than anything they could ever give to me!
Tomorrow is Monday, think of the positives! Until then!

Day seven - One week down

So one week has passed since I started this. Only one week and this has already changed how I look at things day to day.
As days go buy it is really easy to, at the end of the day, stack up all the crap that happened throughout the day and classify that as "the day". Little things begin to look like bigger things and the big things become overwhelming. Some parts of my life had not been great for awhile now, others have been great, I just have not been taking the time to look at the finer parts of life. Instead, as in true AJ Johnson fashion, I dwell. I have not only turned it into a hobby, but a fine art! I can make things that are " no big thang" into something.
For example, I did it to myself two days ago. I had an issue at work, I take that back, it was not an issue, I made it an issue in my head. A contract I was working on had a hiccup. My manager smoothed it out quickly. I was appalled with myself that I potentially lost a client, found where the issue was, and tried to explain myself to my manager as to show what had gone awry. My manager looked at me after I was all done and just said "don't worry about it, it is taken care of, just get out there and do your thing". Think I let it go........ Not a frick'n chance! I dwelled. I would not let it out of my mind, kept going over how I might have really screwed something up.
I tell you that, to tell you this. When I come home and write this, it all goes away! Not only does it go away, but it really makes me take the time to look at the good in the day. That was the same day I had two contracts signed. That is what I thought about, that is what I had to put my focus on because I knew that I had this to write that night. My dwelling, all of a sudden, was a lot less than it has EVER been in my life.
In one week this has changed how my day to day works. At first it was "I have to find something good to write about tonight" and in just a few short days I was seeing the good and could not wait to write about it that night. In one week this has already changed how I look at how my days pan out, I see the good more often, I can see how things are better than I instinctively try to make them out to be, and I feel happier now than I have in a while. I am starting to feel like I did a few years ago, and I love it. I thank god that I have started this and you can expect a lot more, at least 358 days worth ;)
Tomorrow......

Day six - Little wins

So today's post is not gonna be a long one. My day, on the count of one to ten in pain, was about a seven. The day was just generally, in fancy terms, was "crappy". It was about impossible to get out of bed this morning, just wiped out. I simply wanted to sleep the day away. I wa sick most of the day, I could hardly stay at my desk most of the day. This, as usually just stresses me out and makes me feel worse. I felt like I was running 2 steps behind all day. Today was just one of parts of a new job that you dislike, feeling like you just have to learn everything at once and the puzzle pieces just do not seem to all fit right. So this is how I am going to look at this day.
- I got to have lunch with a great friend
- it is now the weekend
- my wife has a drink in her hand, I have one in mine, a ER is on
Like I said, little wins, gotta count what you can get right? And another day ends.......

Day five - money is not everything.... But it sure is nice!

So the intent of this whole project is not to just air our dirty laundry, but lets just face the facts, our money has been funtastic this year!
To start it off, as I discussed in the last post, medical stuff has been a big part of the last couple of years. With medical "stuff" comes medical bills, and they are not cheap! With Dr visits, medications, tests, procedures, and now Iowa city visits and test there have caused us to rack up a pretty penny! When all the medical stuff started to happen this year, and the bills started racking up, we had not yet paid off everything from my leg injury. To top it all off we had not paid the medical bills for when we had Ali either, and there is no return policy on that ;) LOL!
It is not just the medical bills that cause an issue. With being sick, time away from work cost too. For every hour I was not at work was an hour I was not being paid for. Also, in the commission world, it also cost new set ups. With my medical problem stress causes the problem to worsen. So, to show as this wheel goes round; I would get sick and have to miss work, I would stress over the fact that I was not working, then start feeling worse and worse, and just miss the next day, and the cycle continued.....
Here is what all this leads up to. I have been able to support my family on just my income for years now. For all this to happen which put my family in a financial bind has been a very sad place to be. I was doing it, I was keeping us secure, and it all fell to crap.
Today, about an hour into work, my first account agreeded AND signed today. I said something a couple days ago that I had a couple accounts agree, but never heard anything back, this one signed! Nothing big, nothing grand, but it was like 50 pounds was lifted off of my shoulders. Again, nothing big, but it made me feel safe and secure again. Now I did not make enough for my family to move to the islands and live comfortably in a bungalow on the beach for the rest of our lives, but hey, it is a start. A good day, lets push for another one tomorrow. Until then.........

Day four - when it medically rains, it medically hurricanes!

So here is how my last two years have been playing out, medically at least.
At the start of last year I broke my leg in three places. I fell down some stairs and it was one of those things that, the second I hit the ground, I knew it was broken. It took 9 screws, 2 pins, a steel rod ( and a partridge in a pear tree) to fix the damage. I was bed rested for 5 weeks, in a wheelchair for 3 months ( with a cast that entire time), then had to do physical therapy and where a walking cast for 5 months after that.
This year I have been dealing with some very serious medical problems. Unfortunately the larger problem has not been the medical problems but rather the doctors who are "helping" me with these problems. I have seen 7 doctors since January and have run a massive amount of test, the real cheap ones ;). They have diagnosed me with a chronic disorder, and diagnosed me 95% of the way on about  4 other things...... Everyone is saying something different. This ordeal has taken a large toll on my moral, attitude, etc in not a very good place.
Sometimes these things get to you to not a very positive place. You feel like "why me"? Unfortunately it puts you in a place where you start thinking very egocentric, like why does it seem like this crap just won't quit, or why does it seem like we have more problems than anyone else we know, or any other absurd thought that really translates into self pity.
The reason I tell this tale of woe is that my dad has been getting sick over the past couple of months and they can not find out what is causing it. He had been airlifted to Des Moines and stayed a few days, a few months later he had to go to the hospital for the same problem, ran test (cheap ones like mine) to try to find out what was wrong with nothing found, and last night he had the same problem and had to do an overnight stay at the hospital. He had to use his epinephrine pin, which had no affect, then they had to load him with Benadryl and other medications, and then his oxygen dropped so low they had to put him on a rebreather.
Again, another tale of woe, not the positive spin I am supposed to be talking about but it is coming, I promise! Here it is:
                     This is a lot going on in one family but somehow my family is still making it and working harder together than ever. Everyone is checking on everyone, we call and texting to make sure all is going well, and trying to see each other more. I am realizing that sometime life has to go this way to make a family stronger and refocused. Family matter, first and foremost! This family will work through all of this and be stronger at the other end. Now I have said "the family" enough to sound like we are part of the Mofia so I am gonna leave it with this: I love and deeply care about my dad, my mom, my three brothers, my sister-in-law, my sisters, my wife, my daughters, my niece, and my soon-to-be nephew, and I know they all feel the same about me!

Day three - silver lining, silver lining...

So today, not great...... It went south very fast
My morning started with me leaving for the day and stepping in dog poop, while trying to get that off of my shoe I stepped in a different pile with my OTHER shoe, I left my breakfast and my keys in my car, and to top it off I left my lights on.... I knew at this moment it was going to be a day that I was going to have to look for the silver lining throughout the day.

My deals that were going to come through today fell apart at "the last play of the game". Not for any reason, they just did not seem to come through.
So silver lining - my boss worked REALLY hard to make them happen so I am thankful that she is trying to help anyway she can.

Surprise, surprise in this house, I tripped on a toy the other day and I fell flat on my face. In the process of the fall cut my foot open. I told Kenzie that she needed to start doing a better job of picking up her toys because Daddy only has one good leg left :). Since I broke my leg 2 years ago my  left ankle still swells up, right now more than normal due to the change in weather. My cut from the toy cash register happened to my right foot. So this cut has been hurting pretty bad for days now. My left ankle is swollen and the bottom of my right foot hurts enough that it hurts to walk so combined that pretty much sucks!
So silver lining - when you having one of those types of days stupid little stuff like this for some reason seams important, IT IS NOT. When thinking about it when it is running through your head, you realize how ridiculous it is that something like this is affecting your mindset.

I got home today and all THREE girls were sitting in the corner by the computer crying! LOL! Kenzie wanted a snack, Ali was crying because Tiff was trying to help Kenzie, and Tiff because of the other two. AWESOME!
Silver lining - no matter how crazy, I was home with the girls that love. I love them, I miss them when I am not here, and I want to be part of this craziness every second I get!

Day two - A pretty good day at work and a great night at home

Not a bad day overall. I just recently started a new job (just last Monday) and trying to hit the ground running is not the easiest thing to do. I know they say you are your own worst critic and I know that I hold that mantra through and through. I have a bad habit of thinking I need to do everything perfectly, immediately. I was in training for 3 days and have only been on the phones Thursday, Friday, and today yet I have a hard time getting it out of my head that I should already be showing up the other employees. I know, overshooting, but that is just how I wind up thinking.
As the day progressed on I was starting down my usual mindset. As each hour passed and with no positive result I was slowly, yet surely, beating myself up. Towards the end of my day I was pretty frustrated.
Now, to back up a little, I talked to someone on Friday and thought I was getting somewhere. I talked to the guy for about 45 minutes, my supervisor talked to him for 45 minutes, and  then her boss talked for about an hour only to then find it was someone else's account. Not a happy moment.
Part 1 of my good day was that karma was my friend today. My supervisor had to go take a call on the other part of the floor. When she came back she said that call was for one of my accounts that another person called. It was actually the person that got my Friday account. A nice "you scratch my back I scratch yours" moment.
Part 2 of my good day was that in my last 1/2 hour, my next call after my boss told me about the call she took, I got my first account who is gonna sign. Granted, it is a reoccurring account, but hey, silver lining right!
When I get home my day really took off in a good way. Since I started this new job Ali has been asleep every night by the time I get home, not tonight!! My baby was wide awake, granted screaming her head off, but awake :)! Kenzie came over and just WANTED to be tickled!?!? Whatever, time spent is time spent, whatever we may be doing together!
So another day, and plenty to be happy about. Now to finish my day off with re-runs of ER. Talk tomorrow........

Day one - not a hard day to find the good

So day one, mostly a normal day in the Johnson household. Ali, my youngest, has been playing up in her room for the past hour or so now. About every five to ten minutes or so you can hear something loud hit the floor. What that means is that when my wife or I go upstairs you will see more clothes, blankets, toys, and etc on the floor than actual floor.
 To top off the clothes on the floor issue my oldest daughter, Kenzie, has changed her clothes about ten to eleven times already today. No reason, her other ones are not dirty, wet, or have any other problem but rather, just because. Every time she goes upstairs she comes down in something new. My favorite part is that some of these outfits include headbands, but do you think she wears them normal, not a chance. She wears them so that the  headband goes over the back side of her head. My fear is that this headband thing is going to last for years, she will wear it this way to school, and soon this ridiculousness will turn into a "look". That would be just how this would turn out.
The easy "good" to find in this day was not hard to see at all. Last night I worked on my Christmas present for my parents while Kenzie watched. She had been a chatterbox all day but while she watched my work see was very quite. This morning Kenzie asked if she could use my paints. This conversation taking place while I am trying to take a shower, of course. I told her that we can use them when I get done. When I came downstairs I assumed that she wanted to paint on blank pieces of paper like she has in the past, this was not the case. I had a 2 foot by 3 foot canvas sitting under my easel, my last blank canvas, and that is what she wanted to paint on. What made it special is not that she wanted to use my last canvas but that she told me "she wanted to paint just like I did because she always likes the paintings that I paint and she wanted to paint just as good so she needed to use the same paper that I paint on".
Now with that being said both my children are upstairs screaming as Tiff tries to give them a bath so I should probably go help. Until tomorrow......